One side effect of Autism is that I genuinely do not understand or connect with people sometimes. It seems to be the way things are these days. I am so full of confusion and sadness and loss, because people don't stay. I suppose the internet is good for that. There's always a surplus of people I can type to and it's all in black and white.

I'm raging like fire. I want to burst, combust, explode. I want to scream myself hoarse. I want to claw out of this shell and tear it apart, piece by piece. I want to strike and plow through.

I'm so full of rage, so full of anger. I want to hit something, smash it with my fists. I want to kick and stomp on something. I want to let go and beat the hell out of everything and everyone that stands in my way. I want to throw something or smash it into pieces. I want to hear it break. I want to pound it into dust. I want to hear blood drip.

I want to feel that sensation of my fists throbbing after a good pounding. I want to feel my arms break and go weak after smashing my hands to a wall. I want to hear that sound, that crack.

It's so damn frustrating trying to hold back. It's so damn frustrating because the dam is going to break soon and soon I'm going to have to vent on something and I'm afraid that instead of breaking something, I might hurt someone damn.

I'm afraid of being alone. But at the same time, I don't mind it if I'm alone.

A while ago, I was going to class after the holidays. While inside the car, my heart started pounding and I couldn't think and I tried to close my eyes while I kept to myself and stopped how much I want to cry. The words kept ringing inside my head that I don't want to go to school. I'm naturally a loner, but I have friends. I think what made me scared the most was knowing I had friends who'll make me feel safe, but I was afraid that I wouldn't find them in a sea of people and I'd be left to myself. The thing is, I could handle being alone if I didn't have any friends. But I'm scared of being alone even if I had friends.

Gaah. This confuses me so much.

2amtomorning
If you find yourself at the crossroads of insomnia and insanity, this is the place to channel those demons that keep you sleepless. Vivid pictures, poetry, ruminations, and confessions from the nether hours between dusk and dawn. Originally formed to celebrate the city at night, there's a strong urban theme.

green_future
Dedicated to promoting global sustainability, this community offers a forum for discussing current environmental news, research, and issues with tips on how to make positive, pro-active changes to reduce carbon impact. You'll also find information on how to get involved in eco-activism and learn about events near you (i.e., act local; think global). Offering a wealth of data on earth-friendly products and practices, you'll be inspired to don an organic bamboo cape and save the planet.

wtf_sexism
Self-described as "a little community with a lot of rage," you can soak up impassioned vibes and read blistering exposes detailing sexist attitudes in the news, pop culture, and science! A must-join community if you are, or love, a feminist. (NB: the topic of whether a "man" can be a feminist is outside the scope of this spotlight, but will probably wind up on the Writer's Block.)

feeling kind of empty right now

i miss my friends

would be nice to have someone to talk to

AIM- AmericanEulogy87

i hope you all have a safe and happy night.

Thanks to everyone who participated in the Gingerbread making!
( under the cut are the images of all the gingerbread creations )

you can also find them on the website here

Also: THANK YOU to those who already submitted the forms on the website to be registered for the private side to the site! Sorry for the delay again!
I will get you all set up ASAP. I am hoping to do it after work and shopping tonight....
Meanwhile:
DECORATE YOUR ROOM!
and
Make your avatar

and mail all of it to ljasylum@gmail.com

Those of you who have already submitted the form, please do these next 2 steps and I can have your log in ready shortly!